WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
