Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
