You're so nebulous sometimes
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
