He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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