well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
