Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
