ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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