you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
