Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
