This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
