Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
