i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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