Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
