oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
