Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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