i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
