this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
