dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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