When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
