I wanna passion pit in your ass
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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