How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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