Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
