I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
