i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
