The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
