sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
