were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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