Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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