she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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