So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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