Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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