Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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