Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
