I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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