I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
