Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
don't judge my taste in strippers
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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