he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
