seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
