I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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