forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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