he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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