Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
