I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
