Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
