i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
