I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
