i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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