I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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