i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
