Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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